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Weak XXVIII

9 July 2025

No. 7,704 (cartoon)

You’re not in your right mind.

I’m using the left one today.

10 July 2025

The Art of the Forgery

Mark Kostabi is one of my favorite artists. He claims to work in different media, but that’s just his schtick as a conceptual artist. His assistants do all the paintings; he just signs ’em and sells ’em by the square foot to the rubes who buy ’em.

A friend of mine who worked at an auction house told me about the time Kostabi came in to authenticate one of his pieces. He studied it then announced it was a fake. He then summoned an assistant to paint a swatch. The artist then signed it and proclaimed that it was now one of his works.

Ah, the art of the forgery!

According to the latest research, forty or fifty percent of art for sale is a fraud or forgery. That’s not a problem for me since I look at the work and not the provenance or the signature. And that’s why I think the Museum of Art Fakes in Vienna is such a great idea. (I don’t think it’s too much of a coincidence that it’s in the same lovely Austrian city that’s home to the First Vienna Vegetable Orchestra.)

Is that Kostabi anecdote true, or another little sham? It’s a good little story, so I don’t know and I don’t care, just like all the other art hoaxes.

11 July 2025

Too Much Money

I read a predictably nice little interview with Eric Idle in which he was quite clever and funny; that’s his job description. (At George Harrison’s funeral: “I’d like to thank Marlboro, without whom you wouldn’t be here this morning.”) It wasn’t all yucks and larfs, though.

“One of the worst things you can have in comedy is enough money,” he maintained.

That didn’t ring a bell, it rang a chime. (Dictionary news of the day: chime, chorus, peal, and ring are collective terms for bells.)

“At Georgia Southern, we don’t cheat. That costs money, and we don’t have any.” —Erik Russell, football coach

“We have not got any money, so we have got to think.”—Ernest Rutherford, physicist

Hearing variations on the same idea from such disparate sources makes the idea seem like a priori knowledge.

I was going to close with a quote by Marcel Duchamp; that’s always a safe bet. I remember that he said not having enough money was an obvious problem, and having too much required too much management, so he settled on cost plus ten percent. It was all wrapping up well until I ran into a problem: he never said that.

Oh well, that’s it for today then.

12 July 2025

A Dancer’s Body

Duane asked me if I was related to Charles Reinhart, the recently deceased dance magnate.

“No, but I can see why you might think that. I too have the body of a dancer, and I’ve heard stories that our family name was once Reinhart, but I have no interest in finding out if that’s true.”

“Hold it and rewind a bit,” he replied. “You’ve got the body of a dancer?!”

“I certainly do,” I confirmed. “It’s in formaldehyde in a locker in my studio.”

“I can never be certain whether you’re being truthful or lying,” he admitted.

“Neither can I,” I agreed. “It’s better for both of us that way, so let’s leave it there.”

And that’s exactly what we did.

13 July 2025

Richmond Building

There was only one option when I spotted a photogenic building whilst wandering around the Richmond hinterlands, so I photographed it. It’s a nice photo, one of sixty thousand made around the world every second.

It’s a nice photo, but not one of my better ones, let alone an exceptional one. Now that I’ve enjoyed it, I’ll probably never look at it again.

14 July 2025

Stop Press: Sinner Wins

Jannik Sinner beat the other guy to win the Wimbledon (not to be confused with the American’s Wimbleton) tennis contest.

Of course he did.

Why is this even in the news? Always bet on the sinner; sinners always win.

15 July 2025

Nulo Hairball & Urinary Chews

Alphonse has many fine qualities, but cooking isn’t one of them. I was reminded of that when I visited him to give him a hand with this, that, and the other thing.

“I decided to thank you by making us a nice lunch,” he announced when I arrived.

“Thanks,” I lied, “You shouldn’t have.”

“You’re too kind,” he replied.

Oh no I’m not; I meant that literally but was too polite to say so.

The pasta was overcooked mush, and the sauce was terrible. When I asked if the weird little chewy morsels were armadillo or ’possum, he smiled and said a chef never reveals culinary secrets.

When I dumped his recycling in the bin, I spotted an empty container of Nulo Hairball & Urinary Chews. I wouldn’t have thought much about it except that Alphonse and I are both barren. He doesn’t have a cat; he doesn’t even have a guppy.

He couldn’t have put that in the pasta. Oh dear; oh yes he could. My stomach felt queasy, but at least it’s not hairballs.

16 July 2025

Rat Eye Banquet

Last month it was a dead mouse, and today it’s a dead rat; that’s life on the edge of a nature preserve. The rodent seemed quite content in its final repose, even though ants were dining on its eyeballs.

I was reminded fondly of Luis Buñuel’s 1929 film, Un Chien Andalou, where a razor blade slices someone’s eye. (In that case, someone was a dead pig.) Martin Mull’s insightful observation also came to mind, “None is so blind as he who cannot see.”

Maybe I’ll have a look again in a few days, but I’ll probably have forgotten about it by then.

Coming next weak: more of the same.

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©2025 David Glenn Rinehart