2004 Notebook: Weak XXXVII
gratuitous image
10 September 2004
No. 4,972 (cartoon)
My only concern is you.

My only concern is me.

This could be perfect.

11 September 2004
Celibacy is for the Dead
California legislators finally got around to outlawing necrophilia; they may or may not have been inspired by Allah.

“They are really just hurting themselves,” claims Justinian, who’s never had sex with a dead person. “Previously your dearly departed might get fucked by a decent, upstanding citizen, now they are going to get fucked by criminals.”

Justinian’s argument is entirely specious, my favorite flavor of discourse.

12 September 2004
Separate Music and Speech Channels
Those wacky scientists are at it again. Turns out that our ears process data differently: the left ear’s wired for music and the right ear’s tuned into speech. This seems plausible in that I have a very mild case of tinnitus in my left ear.

The report I read went on to say that the brain is cross-wired, so that the left ear is connected to the right brain and so on. Personally, I’ve never found these mechanical explanations of the separate parts of the brain to be of any use; I’m just grateful that I have half a brain.

13 September 2004
Fishy Wine
U.S. politicians have passed a new law, the Food Allergen Labeling and Consumer Protection Act. And that’s how I learned that vintners use “fining agents” such as fish, gelatin, eggs, clay, and all sorts of improbable additives to make wine. It’s a banquet in a bottle!

I was delighted to read that some wine contains vitamin C; it’s no wonder that I’m so healthy.

14 September 2004
Patchouli Salad
I asked Theodore if the police had managed to track down his perfidious former partner who ran off with most of the company’s assets.

“Why did you have have to bring that up?” Theodore asked. “It’s like someone poured patchouli oil all over a nice salad.”

I liked the metaphor; I’ll have to try that some time.

15 September 2004
In Trouble Again
I’m in trouble again for the usual reasons; the topology of today’s fiasco is all too familiar. I still don’t know now what I didn’t know then.

16 September 2004
Art Unrelated to Art
Emma told me that she’s having difficulty making new work. She said that she’s tried making art that looks like art, and art that didn’t look like art, but that neither approach worked.

“Perhaps you should try a third approach,” I suggested. “Sometimes art has nothing to do with art.”

17 September 2004
Joey Ramone and Dee Dee Ramone are dead, and now Johnny Ramone is too. It looks like the rumored Ramones reunion might not be that far off.

I’m listening to the Ramones while flying at a thousand kilometers an hour en route to New York, and that’s just not fast enough.

Music sounds so much better when it’s performed by dead people.

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©2004 David Glenn Rinehart