2004 Notebook: Weak XXXVI
gratuitous image
4 September 2004
No. 3,457 (cartoon)
There is no future.

There is no past.

5 September 2004
Smarter than the Average Bear
Almost a dozen friends forwarded me the same news story. It seems that Washington (the U.S. state) fish and wildlife agents recently came across a very drunk black bear; he was comatose at Baker Lake Resort. It turns out that the bear in question drank some thirty-six cans of Rainier Ale.

The bear chewed and clawed his way into campers’ coolers, then punctured the Rainier Ale cans. Now here’s the good part: the bear didn’t touch the other brands of beer.

At first, I was chuffed to see that another mammal shared by discerning taste in sophisticated adult beverages. Upon reflection, though, I realized that when I’m out in the woods, the bear will be after my cans. Perhaps it’s time to switch to whisky.

6 September 2004
Sons of Satin
Lux told me about an amazing piece she saw in Golden Gate Park. The work in question was a complex painting of satanic imagery: sacrificial animals, pentagrams, flames, that sort of thing. The coupe de grass was the signature: “Sons of Satin.”

Stupidity is always amazing (thanks Jean!), and typos are truly evil.

7 September 2004
German Climate Inquiry
Gretchen called, chatted for a bit, then asked me about the weather.

“The weather?” I asked. “I have no idea about the outside, I haven’t seen daylight yet.”

“But it’s late in the afternoon there,” Gretchen protested from Berlin.

“I have plenty of Rainier Ale and wine here, why do you think I’d leave my laboratory on a Tuesday before dark?” I replied.

Gretchen huffed a Teutonic huff.

8 September 2004
Cellar and Belly are One
I just received a commercial proposition, “Storage options for your wine collection.”

That’s preposterous! My wine cellar and my belly are as one.

9 September 2004
Concurrent and Sequential Recreational Drugs
I got a message from Samantha insisting that I must fly to Toronto tomorrow.

“I discovered coffee beer,” Samantha enthused, “our two favorite drugs in one glass!”

I did a quick Internet search and discovered that Mill Street Coffee Porter is purportedly, “rich and robust, dark brown in colour with a dark roasted coffee nose, imparting an intense coffee flavour with notes of chocolate.”

Coffee beer sounds like a big mistake, Even though I enjoy combining recreational drugs—who wouldn’t—I nevertheless feel caffeine and alcohol are delights best enjoyed sequentially.

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©2004 David Glenn Rinehart