2007 Notebook: Weak XIII
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26 March 2007
No. 4,204 (cartoon)
I have bad news.

I like bad news.

Then I suppose it’s good news.

27 March 2007
National Brain Awareness Month
I just learned that this is National Brain Awareness Month. I wonder why it took almost four weeks for this to come to my attention? Oh well, at least I have a few days to contemplate the meaty cauliflower with which I think I think.

28 March 2007
Canine Couture
Humane Society investigators recently did a little research, and here’s what they found: fur coats are made from real animal fur. Even in an age of myriad perfidities, that’s not a surprise. But what kind of fur?

Think Fido. Arf!

For example, Tommy Hilfiger’s “fake” fur turned out to be genuine canine. Similarly, Nordstrom also offered vests trimmed with the fur of domesticated dogs.

I am grateful to the Humane Society sleuths; I will never again call dogs worthless.

29 March 2007
Artistic License
I read that Adobe Systems of San Jose, California, announced a new version of its Photoshop software. I went to Adobe’s Internet site, where I was greeted with the advertising phrase, “Creative license. Take as much as you want.”

One could almost interpret that as explicit support for using their products without paying for them. I suppose it doesn’t matter; none of the software pirates I’ve met waste much time debating ethical considerations. And I already have a comprehensive artistic license that allows me to do virtually anything I want with impunity, so I have no use for Adobe’s lesser offer of a mere creative license.

30 March 2007
Getting Closer to Jyothi
Jyothi dropped me a note to let me know that she’s moving from Copenhagen to Dublin. Since her previous move took her from Poland to Denmark, I’m encouraged by the steady progress west. At this rate, we could theoretically end up being buried in the same cemetery or nursing home. That’s strictly a theoretical possibility, since I don’t want any institution to store my lifeless body.

31 March 2007
Stephanie’s Earliest Late
I had dinner with Stephanie tonight. As always, she didn’t arrive on time.

“Sorry I’m late,” she said with a smile.

“That’s fine,” I replied, “I’ve come to appreciate that time is a slippery thing for you.”

“I’m getting better,” Stephanie protested. “This is the earliest I’ve been late!”

She pulled out a bottle of nice wine, and we went on to talk about more interesting subjects than punctuality.

1 April 2007
A Plethora of Plopping Poetry
This morning, Garrison Keillor featured fifteen—fifteen!—poems on his radio broadcast. Tonight, National Public Radio’s news program aired a twenty-something year old recording of an old man reading a poem about a dozen cows. The announcer added the she and her colleagues would be broadcasting lots more poetry throughout the month.

Damn, I miss National Brain Awareness Month already. I hope all this poetry nonsense is just some sort of cruel April Fool’s Day prank.

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2 April 2007
Biologicats and Acrylicats
One of the few things I dislike about my pseudo-nomadic life—recently more pseudo than nomadic—is that I am barren. That is, I haven’t lived with a cat in my home since Majnoun died six thousand and eighty-eight days ago.

My dear friend Skizandra noted this void, and gave me a cat and a kitten. I’m not sure about the breed; they appear to have descended from overweight Siamese cats and marmots. I’ve never met a cat I didn’t like, but I have to admit that I find these misshapen cats with their glassy stares a bit creepy.

Upon further inquiry, I discovered that the cats are actually Korean kitties designed in Italy. In fact, they are fashioned from petrochemical-based materials, so I suppose my new inanimate friends are acrilycats!

I still prefer biologicats, but am learning to appreciate the absence of cat boxes and veterinarian bills as well as the continued freedom to leave town without arranging for a cat sitter.

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©2007 David Glenn Rinehart