2009 Notebook: Weak XV
gratuitous image
9 April 2009
No. 7,850 (cartoon)
Competition is for losers.

You’re learning.

You’re a loser.

10 April 2009
Pillow Control in Detroit
Detroit police recently confiscated a number of pillows before they could be used in a massive pillow fight. This move ruffled the feathers of civil libertarians, but I can appreciate the police strategy. If I was a policeman, I’d be chasing pillow-toting villains instead of the nasty people with automatic weapons.

11 April 2009
The Champagne Adds Up
Brett’s birthday gift to Rhonda wasn’t well received.

“What am I supposed to do with a bowling ball?” Rhonda asked.

“Going bowling comes to mind,” Brett suggested. “Anyway, it’s the thought that counts.”

“Well then just think it,” Rhonda replied.

The day ended on a happy note. After Rhonda left, Brett opened the bottle of champagne he’d intended to share with Rhonda. I avoided taking a position on the bowling ball dispute, and complimented Brett on the quality of the champagne.

“I’m not sure if it’s the champagne that counts,” I commented as Brett refilled my glass, “but it adds up nicely.”

12 April 2009
Easter Forecasting
Today is Easter, an occasion when superstitious people subject an unfortunate rabbit to a macabre, sadistic meteorological experiment. Church elders nail a bunny to a cross. If the crucified hare looks down from her cross and sees her shadow, then we’ll have six more weeks of wintery weather (and perhaps some nourishing hasenpfeffer as well).

Unless, of course, she dies and rises from the dead, in which case we’ll have six weeks of summery weather. Or so the story goes.

As usual, I’ll be ignoring Easter. No sane person takes superstitions and weather forecasts seriously.

13 April 2009
Exploding Heads
I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I’m fascinated by the latest pirate story. After failing to commandeer a ship, the pirates took the vessel’s captain hostage in a lifeboat. An American warship came to the captain’s rescue; three snipers killed the three pirates.

There’s something mesmerizing about the choreography on the rolling seas: three snipers firing three bullets at exactly the same time, which, in a fraction of a second, made three heads explode into a pink mist. The fatal bullets passed through three skulls before the sound of the guns reached the recently deceased pirates.

I generally don’t support killing people under any circumstances, but I’ll put aside my political correctness for the moment and imagine exploding heads in the tropical heat.

14 April 2009
Getting Tales Read
Amy told me my writing would be a lot more popular if I wrote about sex.

“I’m not interested in popularity or pornography,” I replied.

“I wasn’t talking about pornography,” Amy replied, “just a little bit of spice to get some tales read.”

I think that was a double entendre, but it’s best not to ask about such things.

gratuitous image
15 April 2009
No Minikilts in 2209?!
I’m not very interested in science fiction in general or the Star Trek franchise in particular, but some marketing giants are almost impossible to ignore. A local publication featured still photographs from an upcoming film that takes place in San Francisco in a couple of centuries.

No one will be surprised to see that attractive women are still wearing the same miniskirts and high boots they’ve been wearing here for decades. It strikes me as curious, though, that men are still wearing pants. It seems that by 2209 men would logically be wearing minikilts.

Perhaps I’d like science fiction better if it was more plausible, perhaps I wouldn’t.

last weak  |  index  |  next weak

©2009 David Glenn Rinehart