2008 Notebook: Weak XXIX
gratuitous image
17 July 2008
No. 2,238 (cartoon)
I don’t deserve to be treated like this.

I can’t think of anything more brutal.

18 July 2008
Phony Driving in California
As of this month, it’s illegal to talk on the telephone while driving in California. Helena told me that her mother Mabel applauds the new law, using social insights gleaned before mobile phones were invented. Her mother, who’s eighty-four, notes that one can’t talk on the phone and make the appropriate hand gestures to other drivers, especially the bad ones.

One cannot underestimate the importance of good communication, but nevertheless many do.

19 July 2008
Déjà Vu All Over Again and Again
Once upon a time (today, actually) Nancy complimented me on my clever use of the phrase, “déjà vu all over again.” I admitted that I took the line from Yogi Berra, one of my favorite people to plagiarize. Suddenly, she remembered that she was told about Berra’s authorship before, clearly a case of déjà vu all over again and again.

20 July 2008
Art Isn’t Simple
If there’s one question I’m asked more than any other it’s this: “Will you buy me a drink?” I understand that question is predictably predictable, so here’s the second most popular question: “How does one become an artist?”

The answer is as obvious as it is enigmatic: “No one would do it if it was simple.”

21 July 2008
This While and That While
I ran into Sally today, and asked her about Julian.

“We were living together for a while,” she said, “and then we were friends for a while. One while was a lot shorter than the other while.”

I didn’t ask which while was which. She spoke in the past tense, and that was that.

22 July 2008
Plenty Peru
Leysi Suarez loves her country. And so, the model and dancer demonstrated her love by sitting on a horse. Nude. With a Peruvian flag between her and the horse.

What love for her country! And there’s love for the horse, too, but that’s just speculation.

Except—and this is a big, rotund except—Antero Flores, the Peruvian minister of defense, disagrees. “These are patriotic symbols that demand total respect, and using them improperly requires punishment,” he told journalists.

What symbols? The horse? The flag? The naked model and dancer?

And what punishment? Is Flores the type of hombre who likes to flog bound models and/or horses? Could be. Flores, who prances around in a silly outfit that makes him look like a fetish prostitute in Moscow, wants Suarez to spend four years in prison. (The news report I read didn’t mention what he had in mind for the horse, but I can guess.) If Suarez gets slammed with four years for ridiculing Peru, shouldn’t a retrotard like Flores get at least four hundred years in the hoosegow?

I’m not interested in the answers to these questions. I spent a few hours in Lima last month, and that was enough for me. I love the lima beans, and that’s plenty Peru for me.

23 July 2008
We’re All Lesbians!
In popular parlance, a lesbian is a female homosexual. Technically speaking, though, a lesbian is a resident on the Greek island of Lesbos, where the poet Sappho was born two and a half millennia ago, more or less. Sappho sang the praises of women (what thinking person wouldn’t?), one thing led to another, and that’s where lesbians come from.

Or not.

Some residents of Lesbos, apparently sorely lacking in both historical perspectives and an appreciation of women, filed a lawsuit in a Greek court to demand that only the inhabitants of Lesbos could be called lesbians.

Yesterday, a Greek judge ruled that we’re all lesbians, if we want to be. I applaud the ruling, since I’m a lesbian in that I find the concept of physical intimacy with a male of the species to be of less than no interest.

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©2008 David Glenn Rinehart