2007 Notebook: Weak XXVI
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26 June 2007
No. 7,166 (cartoon)
This feels like a promising beginning.

No, it’s a happy ending.

27 June 2007
Bernie and Dahlia
Bernie said he was distraught to visit his old girlfriend Dahlia and discover that her face was desecrated.

“You mean desiccated, no?” I asked.

“I meant what I said,” Bernie replied. “When we were lovers decades ago, she had the face of a goddess.”

“That’s time for you,” I said.

In a rare moment of diplomacy, I didn’t add that neither of us looked like teenagers anymore, either.

28 June 2007
Brian Peter George St. John le Baptiste de la Salle Eno(ugh)
Enrico asked me if I wanted to see Brian Eno’s 77 Million Paintings. I replied that I would, and added that I’d like to make a copy of the program to run on my computer. And that’s where the miscommunication began and ended.

“No, I meant at a gallery,” Enrico said. “Tickets are twenty-five dollars.”

“That’s ridiculous,” I replied. “For fifty dollars we could buy a retail copy of his 77 Million Paintings program that generates the work and have enough left over for half a case of wine.”

Enrico and I agreed to disagree.

It’s not that I don’t like Brian Peter George St. John le Baptiste de la Salle Eno’s work; I do. I saw him give a good talk a few years ago. For free, even. But that’s a different kettle of kittens than paying to watch a computer program run unattended. Of course, no one will be paying to watch Eno’s work, they’ll be paying to be in the same room as a celebrity.

I hope Enrico has a nice time. Assuming that I can find a bootleg copy on the Internet, I plan on seeing Eno’s work in my studio, without being surrounded by his sycophants. After all, intellectual groupies are still groupies.

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29 June 2007
Seven Frozen Meals Rich in Fat and Salt
I didn’t have any technical difficulties with this month’s piece, Seven Frozen Meals Rich in Fat and Salt. I made these photographs without a camera by simply putting the frozen “meals” on a flatbed scanner.

Still, the undertaking proved to be more difficult than I imagined. Well into the project, I decided I liked the look of products wrapped in cellophane. As a result, I decided not to use other images such as Homestyle Macaroni & Cheese (Fat: 10 grams, Salt: 730 milligrams). The concoction—featuring a frozen puddle of cheese-like substance—was based on a “chef inspired recipe,” as if that tenuous connection to real food might make it palatable. (It did not.)

I decided to stop after only seven images of cellophane-sealed products because I couldn’t eat any more processed food. I originally planned on making many more than seven images, but found the alleged food too wretched, even for me.

30 June 2007
Art and Suffering
“Do you suffer for your art?” Abbie asked.

“Only amateurs do that,” I explained. “My art suffers for me.”

I was lying, of course; my arteries are still aching after eating Seven Frozen Meals Rich in Fat and Salt.

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1 July 2007
It’s a Starsfish
Byron, who just graduated from sixth grade, told me I shouldn’t call a starfish a starfish because the beast really isn’t a fish at all.

“Then how should I address the pentagram-shaped marine thingie,” I asked, “as the unholy spawn of Satan and Poseidon?”

“Actually,” Byron sniffed, “the proper name these days is a sea star.”

“That’s fascinating,” I replied.

“That’s fascinating,” seemed like a better reply for a precocious child than, “It’s a damned starfish, deal with it.”

I’m good with children, or so I’ve been told.

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©2007 David Glenn Rinehart