2007 Notebook: Weak XVI
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16 April 2007
No. 5,309 (cartoon)
I’m drinking too much again.

You said you’d never repeat that mistake.

I wanted a second opinion.

17 April 2007
Roscoe’s Liquid Lunch
Roscoe works for a big corporation, a big corporation with a liquor policy. Specifically, he’s only allowed to have one alcoholic drink at lunch. And thus, I was surprised to find Roscoe rather inebriated when I met him at his office this afternoon.

“Looks like you’ve had more than one drink today,” I observed. “I thought you were worried about violating your company’s liquor rules.”

“I’m following the policy to the letter,” Roscoe replied, “I did only have one drink with lunch.”

Noting my skeptical look, he continued, “perhaps I should add that lunch consisted of three martinis.”

Advertising is a strange profession.

18 April 2007
Caffeine Soap, Whisky Soap?
Every so often an invention comes along that’s so obvious that it’s hard to imagine why no one thought of it centuries ago. That’s why I was so delighted to read about caffeinated soap, most wonderful advance I’ve heard about since the beer-tossing refrigerator.

According to the news report I read, showering with the high-octane soap delivers as much caffeine as two cups of coffee. Although I’m impressed with the innovation, it’s not going to be of much personal benefit since I generally shower in the evening. I wonder if whisky soap is technically feasible?

19 April 2007
Fatal Napping in South Carolina
The South Carolina Public Safety Department published a report that revealed that one hundred and twenty-two pedestrians died on the state’s roads last year. An examination of individual cases, however, showed that nearly a third of the victims weren’t pedestrians at all. Rather, they were people “lying illegally” on the pavement.

And even though I love naps; I never ever sleep on streets or in South Carolina.

20 April 2007
Making, Taking, Faking?
Gary Hill commissioned a twelve-kilogram bar of gold as part of an art installation. Thieves stole the quarter-million-dollar block of gold, or did they? There’s a rumor that workers at the Fondation Cartier in Paris may have substituted a replacement bar made of a non-precious metal. And thus, with the making, taking, and possible faking, Hill may have created three different works of art.

21 April 2007
The Second Good San Francisco Mural
Once upon a time last year, I opined that there was only one good mural in San Francisco. And so, I’m quite pleased to report that I found a second mural I appreciated.

Misha Bittleston made this work, one I would not have seen had I not lent the camera I normally carry with me to a friend. (I continue to be amazed at how cameras cause blindness.) And so, I can’t show the imagery, but that doesn’t matter much in that the words were my favorite part of the piece.

    Nothing is wrong with

    Drinking gasoline

    Blood ice cream

    Robotic pancakes

    Lies in apple pies

    Greed flavored melons

Bittleston’s mural may be seen on the wall of a store on Irving Street near Eighth Avenue in San Francisco, California.

22 April 2007
Is Boris Yeltsin Really Dead?
I just read a report late tonight about Boris Yeltsin’s alleged death with a great deal of skepticism. Is one of Russia’s heaviest drinkers really dead, or just pickled?

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23 April 2007
Dancers Dropping
I went to my favorite awards ceremony tonight, which again featured dancers. Unlike the dancers Merle found problematical some years ago, these dancers rappeled down from the opera house ceiling, and performed suspended from ropes far above the stage. For me, it was a wonderful dance experience: the dancers were so far away that I couldn’t get distracted by their amazingly athletic and acrobatic bodies, and they were so good it never occurred to me to hope one of them would fall and break a limb in the way one watches an automobile race anticipating the next catastrophic crash.

Since I don’t watch cop shows or military movies, the only cultural reference I have for half a dozen people abseiling from the ceiling of a cavernous auditorium is a scene from Terry Gilliam’s Brazil. I think the performance might have been enhanced with automatic weapons, but then what show wouldn’t be?

As was the case with the mural I’d not otherwise have seen, one of the reasons I was able to witness this spectacle was because I showed up without my usual camera. I did, however, make a very low-resolution image with the alleged camera in my telephone. I think I prefer it to the one I’d have made with a better camera; the lack of information leaves more to the imagination.

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©2007 David Glenn Rinehart