2005 Notebook: Weak XLII
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24 December 2005
No. 1,326 (cartoon)
There’s so much love everywhere.

Don’t believe everything Santa Claus tells you.

25 December 2005
Christmas Execution
I read that that Augustine Gbao, a senior commander of the rebel Revolutionary United Front, was executed today. The Sierra Leone fighter was captured when he sent his troops into battle dressed in Santa Claus outfits during the 31 October battle of Kenema.

That’s the holiday spirit!

26 December 2005
Premature Valentine’s Day Preparations
Pani reported that when she went to the grocery store this morning, the display of Christmas crap beside the cash register had already been replaced by a display of Valentine’s Day crap.

After hearing this, I concluded that it was just another example of relentless marketing. After thinking about it, though, I came up with a more benign interpretation: the unfortunate people working in the grocery store are probably even more weary of the xmas inanity than I am.

27 December 2005
Happy Birthday Story
I was surprised when Bonnie started crying when we sang “Happy Birthday to You” at her party tonight. She explained that the song reminded her of her father; it was his favorite tune. Bonnie said her family sang Happy Birthday at her father’s funeral.

28 December 2005
Critiquing Duane’s Work
Duane got annoyed when I told him I didn’t want to look at his insipid paintings.

“Why are you giving my work short shrift?” Duane demanded.

“I really don’t have a choice,” I replied.

“What do you mean by that?” Duane asked.

“Well,” I explained, “there’s no such thing as a long shrift, is there?”

29 December 2005
One-Grape Opening
Megan and I went to a horrible gallery opening tonight. The art was wretched, and there was no free wine. I grabbed a bite of food before we quickly escaped.

“Stinky yuck,” Megan opined as we left. “What did you think of it?”

“I give the show a rating of one grape,” I replied, “since that’s all I got out of it.”

30 December 2005
Two Fremont Tales
I’ve never been to Fremont, California, even though it’s very near San Francisco. Fremont is one of those places no one visits because it’s so boring. Or, at least that’s what I thought until I read a couple of news stories this morning.

A pack of vicious Chihuahuas attacked a policeman and bit him in the ankle. The brief report didn’t mention how many, if any, of the vile little beasts were shot.

Fremont police also reported that a local homeowner awoke to discover an intruder at her computer. The man escaped after looking at pornography.

Perhaps I need to reassess Fremont.

Or perhaps not.

31 December 2005
Wasted Time
Today is one of the longest days of my life. Most days are 86,400 seconds long, but today is 86,401 seconds. Whoever decides these things ordered that a leap second be added. I started to consider what I might do with the extra second, but realized that I’d already wasted it.

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©2005 David Glenn Rinehart