2005 Notebook: Weak XL
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11 December 2005
No. 8.982 (cartoon)
You can’t love me, can you?

The question provides the answer.

12 December 2005
John Lennon died four days and two-and-a-half decades ago. Too bad he’s not still around; there’s a very good chance he’d still be doing good work. On the other hand, dying young is generally a good career move; sometimes I wish I’d thought of it. In any case, it’s probably just as well that Lennon never lived long enough to see his image used to peddle consumer electronics.

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13 December 2005
Arnold Schwarzenegger, acting in his current role as the governor of California, yesterday issued a surprising and terse statement in response to a prison inmate’s request for clemency.


    DATED: December 12, 2005

    Based on the totality of circumstances in this case, Williams’ request for clemency is denied. Terminate him.

    Hasta la vista, baby!

    Governor of the State of California

State executioners killed Stanley Williams this morning. They strapped him down and put him to death, just like in the movies.

14 December 2005
Unamazing Dog Story
Joan was ecstatic when her dog returned after being missing for nearly a day.

“Isn’t it amazing how dogs always find their way home when they’re lost?” she exclaimed.

“Not really,” I replied, “it just means you didn’t dump it far enough away.”

“Bite the bad man,” Joan commanded her worthless dog.

Fortunately, the dog was too stupid to understand, or perhaps just too lazy to obey.

15 December 2005
Heaven Is Not As I Remembered It
Deirdre and I spent ages deciding which film to watch. Finally, we decided to see Diane Keaton’s Heaven, one of the best films I’ve ever seen. I didn’t want to watch it again, but did because it was was the only film on which we could agree.

I didn’t want to see it again because I enjoyed it so much the last time I viewed it at the “Jacques Cousteau Theatre.” I figured it wouldn’t be as enjoyable five years later. Unfortunately, I figured right.

Keaton worked in color; I thought she didn’t. For a chromophobe like myself, that’s problematical. Nevertheless, there were lots of good bits, but I now don’t regard Heaven as one of the very best films I’ve ever seen.

I should have known better. (I wish I didn’t say that so often.)

16 December 2005
Putting the Sicko into Sycophant
The Binky girls are performing tonight, so I called Windy to volunteer my assistance.

She declined, and said Olga was providing all the help they needed.

“But I’m a sycophant!” I protested.

“You try,” Windy corrected, “but Olga really puts the sicko into sycophant!”

Note to self: must try harder.

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©2005 David Glenn Rinehart