2004 Notebook: Weak XLV
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6 November 2004
No. 2,305 (cartoon)
Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

How could I not?

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7 November 2004
Corsettographs Interruptus
Dr. Boros is considering starting a new career as a information technology support dominatrix. Her business plan is based on the presupposition that she can reach a large base of customers who’ll pay her to whip them—as well as their computers—into shape. Although I’m definitely not part of her target audience, I nevertheless agreed to make a few press photographs for her in her new corset. After all, I’ll do just about anything for my friends.

The session didn’t go very well. We only made a few shots when she bolted for the door after she heard her car alarm bleating. She got there in time to see an old man running away with her swimsuits. Stilettos proved to be a poor choice of footwear for giving chase to the miscreant, and the combination of broken glass from her car window and gravity proved unfortunate. She returned to the studio bleeding here and there.

Oh well, no one ever said starting a new business would be easy.

8 November 2004
According to Plan, or Not
I went to an interesting presentation by Lynette Chiang tonight in which she talked about the months she spent traveling around Cuba on a bicycle. I appreciated her perspective and insights into one of those places that’s too damn hot for me to visit. I thought her approach to travel was interesting; she said she arrived on the island with no preconceptions or schedule.

“If you plan a holiday,” she explained, “you get the holiday you planned.”

After that, I had a difficult time listening to her Cuban stories. I just kept thinking about her planning remark, and substituting different words for “holiday.” I left Chiang’s presentation pleasantly confused about planning and almost everything else.

9 November 2004
The Truth About Lithuanians
I was walking down a thoroughfare we locals call Howwierd Street when I spotted a crazed woman holding a sign with the text, “Ask Me The Truth About Lithuanians.”

It’s been over fifteen years since I’ve been to Lithuania, so I took the disheveled woman up on her offer.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” I said, “but I’d be grateful if you’d tell me the truth about Lithuanians.”

“If you really want to know,” she replied looking around nervously to see if anyone else was within earshot, “All foreigners—especially Lithuanians—prefer to speak English to each other when they’re alone.”

“I always thought so!” I replied with a knowing wink.

I walked away feeling a little guilty about enjoying another person’s mental illness.

10 November 2004
Urban Matador
Karl and I stared in disbelief as an old man, apparently drunk and/or drugged and/or insane, was playing matador in the middle of six lanes of fast traffic on Cesar Chavez Street. He appeared to be enjoying himself immensely.

“You know that thing in your brain that stops people from doing really stupid suicidal stuff?” Karl asked shaking his head. “Well, he doesn’t have that.”

“That’s certainly what empirical evidence would suggest,” I agreed.

11 November 2004
Libby’s Potted Meat
The four main ingredients in Libby’s Potted Meat are mechanically separated chicken, partially defatted cooked pork fatty tissue, beef tripe, and partially defatted cooked beef fatty tissue.

That recipe is even more intriguing than it is repulsive. Defatted fatty tissue, imagine that!

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©2004 David Glenn Rinehart