2004 Notebook: Weak XV
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10 April 2004
No. 7,535 (cartoon)
You’re the most selfish person I’ve ever met.

I think you’re in for a nasty, little surprise.

11 April 2004
No Headless Vampires
My learned friends and I were talking about unusual burial practices; that’s when I reported on what I witnessed some fifteen years ago outside a small agrarian village near Bucharest, Romania.

The corpses were left out on platforms in the forest by a lake. At night, owls pecked the eyes from the cadavers; that may or may not have something to do with the owls’ remarkable night vision. When I visited the burial grounds, I was amazed to see the owls swimming a small pond with only their beaks above water; presumably this was some sort of of very thorough bird bath.

I was unnerved when the undertaker arrived, pulled out a saw from a worn, canvas bag and began sawing the head off the body of an old man. He put the head in an open wooden box, then repeated the process with the other three corpses. He piled the headless cadavers and the four boxed heads on the wagon, then towed it away with his tractor. All in an afternoon’s work.

I asked about the practice at the inn that night. One of the locals explained that a lot of villagers were superstitious after hearing disconcerting vampire stories from their neighbors to the north in Transylvania. Since no one had ever heard of a headless vampires, everyone figures separate burials for heads and bodies was only prudent.

12 April 2004
Dominique’s Birthday Cake
I went to Dominique’s birthday party this afternoon, and had a lovely time. I especially liked the birthday cake, even though I rarely appreciate sweets. Dominique’s girlfriend, Karla, presented her with what appeared to be an ordinary chocolate cake. After Dominique blew out the candles and cut the cake, we discovered Karla made the cake from raw meat covered in chocolate icing. Dominique and Karla were the only people at the party who ate any “cake,” no one else could stomach sugarcoated steak tartare.

13 April 2004
Evening the Odds
Klaus is seething over some slight. I have no idea whether it’s real or imagined, and I don’t really care. What I do know is that life is too short to stew in one’s own juices, so that’s exactly what I told him.

“And what do you suggest I do instead?” Klaus demanded.

“There’s no point in getting even,” I replied, “get odd.”

14 April 2004
A Meditative Proposition
Be ’er’ now!

15 April 2004
Another Scary News Story
Another day, another scary news story.

Get this: people who drink too much alcohol become afflicted with gout. I have no idea what gout is, but I do know that all of the heavy drinkers I know enjoy excellent health, therefore I needn’t worry about gout.

Another day, another scary news story: I’ll drink to that!

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©2004 David Glenn Rinehart