2002 Notebook: Weak XXIII
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5 June 2002
No. 2,996 (cartoon)
I don’t think I can do it.

I think I can.

We’re probably both right.

6 June 2002
Corporation Bugs
San Francisco office buildings are starting to resemble museums. On those unfortunate occasions when I find myself in those tragic environments, I’m struck by how many grim businesspeople I find pressed against the glass windows.

The sad worker drones would look like insects in a glass museum case, except for one crucial distinction: museum critters don’t wriggle. I’m amazed and depressed by the sight of so many young serfs writhing inside their glass cages.

They’re all trying to get better connections from their little mobile phones. I don’t know why they bother; no one’s going to rescue them.

Never ever.

7 June 2002
Fecal Face Joke
Harriet forwarded me an invitation to some sort of art event, “A Night With Fecal Face.” The invitation suggested, “Come for the art, stay cause you’re too drunk to drive.” Although that’s certainly a clever line, I didn’t laugh. Drinking and driving jokes usually aren’t very funny ever since a drunk driver killed a dear friend of mine.

8 June 2002
Moving Air Around
Clint told me that he’s given up on music.

“Why?” I asked. “You were pretty good.”

“Maybe, maybe not,” Clint replied. “After twenty-some years, I finally realized that all I was doing was moving air around.”

After that exchange I started to wonder whether all I do is push pixels and bytes around. And then I decided to stop wondering. Sometimes a person can think too hard.

9 June 2002
Catching Something from Huey
I’m listening to Huey advising Kim to avoid college courses geared toward becoming a specialist, but I’m not paying much attention. Like Huey, I’m a generalist; that’s as good an excuse as any for not knowing much about anything.

“I’m sure you’ve heard the old saying,” Huey said, “more is caught than taught.”

I hadn’t heard that before. I can’t spend much time with Huey without learning something. Or, perhaps more accurately, catching something.

10 June 2002
Can Respond Unpredictably If Provoked
Curtis lives in an apartment with a large, bay window overlooking a busy street. Curtis likes the view the window provides, and so do the people passing by.

Curtis doesn’t like the strangers’ gawks and stares, but they don’t bother him enough to close the curtains. Since the constant stream of viewers makes Curtis feel like he’s living in a zoo, he decided to post the appropriate signage.

He taped a large photograph of himself in one corner of the window, and mounted a notice beside it.

    Friendly, but can respond unpredictably if provoked. Likes pizza, pasta, and garlic dishes. Drinks red wine during his frequent mating periods.

    Homo Sapiens
    The modern species of human beings, the only extant species of the primate family Hominidae.

Last Friday night Curtis noticed a man standing on the sidewalk in front of his window eating a slice of pizza. Curtis decided to entertain the stranger, and did his best imitation of a chimpanzee by jumping up and down on the couch, shrieking, and scratching his armpits.

The man responded by throwing his pizza against the window then running away. Dogs or rats ate the pizza during the night, but Curtis still had to clean the grease off the window on Saturday morning.

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©2002 David Glenn Rinehart