gratuitous image
15 September 1996

National Endowment for the Ketchup Arts

Today is the first time I've been excited about ketchup since Ronald Reagan proclaimed it to be a vegetable.

Heinz Ketchup, in conjunction with the National Endowment for the Arts, is asking for young students to apply for the Heinz Ketchup Creative Design Awards. The three grand prize winners will receive $5,000 and will have their designs used on Heinz bottles. Applications are to be sent to the Heinz Ketchup Creative Design Awards, Box 3447, Young America Minnesota 55558-3447 USA.

There is nothing wrong with the current packaging, so I just repeated it three times. My solution to their problem was simple since they didn't have a problem.

My efforts were wasted; it turns out I am ineligible. The young Americans in Young America Minnesota won't accept ideas from anyone over eighteen. I'm resigned to such age discrimination; it's been a long time since respectable publications described forty-something Henry Moore as "a promising young sculptor."

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©1996 David Glenn Rinehart